I find it difficult asking for help, I rarely do it, I don’t like to do it but every now and then I need it and it feels horrible.
Why is that?
Maybe it’s a British thing? Keep a stiff upper lip and all that. Maybe it’s a working class thing?
‘Fine’ is a stock response when people ask how we are, even if we’re not. We keep that stuff hidden. Is it for privacy, pride, fear of judgement?
Probably. How did we become so conditioned?
The other thing that feels culturally, erm… gross? Is the way we sometimes treat those people asking for help, yet we know it’s not an easy thing to do.
When I worked in retail, a pet peeve of mine was when a perfectly fit, able bodied person would ask me to get something for them. Yes, it was part of my job, but my attitude was (and still is a lot of the time), that I would never ask somebody else to do something that I was perfectly capable of doing myself, so why the fuck is this person asking me to?!
Are they lazy, or are they being efficient?
Maybe they just don’t know their way around the store and are simply asking for help and I’m being an arsehole for getting annoyed about it?
If the person was old, in a wheelchair, laden with bags and children or had some other visible disability I would gleefully help. That’s still quite judgemental of me though, to make that assessment of who is worthy of my help.
I can only assume that via cultural osmosis, I have come to the conclusion that laziness is bad and shouldn’t be indulged or rewarded.
That’s kinda messed up.
But that’s a job! What about in your personal life? How much help do we give to others?
Give a bit of change for a homeless person, maybe buy them some food? Helping a friend move house? That’s a big one! Giving someone a lift, babysitting so friends or relatives can go out, listening to a friend’s problems, responding to social media posts requesting advice. That’s quite a lot of everyday help.
But what happens when someone asks too much? When your friend continuously trauma dumps on you, going over the same issues again and again? How long do you entertain that before you start to feel drained?
That friend probably needs professional help and you can’t be their therapist.
Figuring out our own boundaries is difficult sometimes and the danger is that we begin to resent those asking for help and become hardened to their plight. Hanging onto our sympathy/empathy can be difficult too, but we must!
We can only do so much and we need to protect our own energy. That’s where professionals and Government interventions should come in, but those resources aren’t always there or they’re threadbare. Thanks Conservatives.
There’s also a bizarre attitude that permeates society, where people asking for, or who are in need of help are seen as a drain or of lesser value.
‘I never had any help, so why should others get it when I didn’t?’
‘I suffered, therefore you should also suffer’
What a shitty attitude.
I prefer:
‘I suffered, therefore I want to make sure others don’t have to’
Anyone who thinks British people should be put first, before any immigrants, also don’t seem to want British people to get any help either!
Like, what do you even want?!
There’s a perception that people on benefits don’t want to work, they’re on the scrounge, a drain on society and shouldn’t be given any help.
When the reality is, those benefits are a pittance and if you’re disabled or have a chronic illness you have to be assessed and prove it.
That sounds reasonable, so people don’t abuse the system. But what if you’re a legitimate claimant and get denied?
The number of people that do take advantage is tiny and it’s not like these people are living in mansions and own yachts, they’re not billionaires.
All those bullshit stories I heard growing up about the beggar on Oxford Street going home every night to their big ol’ mansion, need to die. Absolute lies and propaganda.
If we’re not going to spend money on people or invest in their health, happiness and wellbeing, what the Hell are we spending our money on?
Countries and Governments aren’t businesses; they should serve the people and function for the betterment of the people who live there. That’s literally their job.
SEN children, ADHD people of all kinds, the autistic, disabled, chronically ill, unemployed, uneducated, substance abusers and other vulnerable people are regularly subject to scepticism and ridicule in the media, have their issues minimized, ignored or not believed and labelled a burden on society.
But it’s these people that need to most help.
Any one of us could find ourselves in need in an instant. One accident, one illness and suddenly we’re a burden and a target of scorn.
Governments need to be spending more helping everyone. Instead, there’s a perception that resources are being wasted on scroungers. This is intentionally pitting the poorest, most vulnerable people in society against each other in a scarcity mindset.
I’m trying to illustrate that people are quite often happy to help others at an individual level, especially when we know them, but we’ve been lied to and convinced by the media and class system, that on a larger scale, some people don’t deserve help.
Who is deserving of help?
Suddenly we’re assessing human worth and that’s dangerous.
If you’re productive, if you contribute, then you have value. If you bend over backwards at your job, work through your lunch break (hard won lunch break) for no extra money or stay late to help out, you’re a good employee. Your boss might like you more than those who refuse to do the same, but is that reward enough?
But if you don’t work or can’t work, then you’re worthless?
Capitalism perpetuates these ideas about working hard being a good thing and you’ll ultimately be rewarded, but it’s a lie.
Simply working hard won’t lift you out of poverty if you’re not being paid fairly. I digress.
Human worth.
Don’t all humans have intrinsic value?
Pro-lifers certainly seem to think so, especially before humans are born. But once they are born, into a poor family on welfare, suddenly they’re a burden.
Or when they grow up, through no fault of their own, need medical treatment and they’re unable work. They’re a burden.
I must admit, I sometimes place hierarchies on people’s skill sets and assign value to them. Like doctors, nurses or surgeons. I’d happily forgive bad/rude behaviour, pay them more and place them on a pedestal if they’re saving lives.
But is that right? Is it ethical?
I find it hard to accept that some people are worthless, beyond redemption, or simply bad/evil. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. Some people might deserve the death penalty, but that’s something I cannot judge.
I don’t think anyone should be executed.
It’s too big for me.
I find it slightly disturbing that others are so willing to make these judgements, that they treat human life so cheaply and actively cheer on the deaths of others.
It’s a slippery slope towards fascism and that’s why some Governments encourage division. Treating others as less than, using dehumanising language like ‘vermin’ or ‘sub-human’ allows regimes to strip away human rights and do whatever they like to marginalised group… for starters. You’ve then granted them extraordinary powers to do whatever they like to you also.
All because you hate immigrants, trans people, Muslims or anyone else who doesn’t fit in with your world view.
Our life is all we really have, shouldn’t we be helping each other through instead of killing each other over a fake, manufactured perception of scarcity, religious beliefs and xenophobia/racism?
It’s all so fucking cruel and stupid. Help each other, no matter how small it may seem x
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